Dinner [for Essie]

[bachjones]

 The woman at the coffee place had recognized Isaac, and had looked at Bach like he was a kidnapper and murderer all in one wrapping. It had taken his son not only ordering a coffee for Essie, but also knowing precisely how she liked it and a silly anecdote about how Isaac was showing Bach around town because Essie was too busy or some nonsense, to make the woman step away from the phone. They could have just sung. 

It was pretty clear that Isaac had a bit of a clue about what was going on, but he didn't want to talk about it, and Bach didn't really either. So they talked about the things he had learned at school, about the trips they'd make together when Isaac was older, and when Bach would have a guitar again. After all that, he neatly returned his son to his adoptive mother. 

Bach had found a few more of his things at the beach, including his guitar, snares broken but still a chance to live. It hurt to see the instrument like that, but it also gave him hope. He could bounce back. He would. 

He visited Lily Middleton for a shower and a new outfit, protesting any police involvement, he just wanted to go have dinner with his son. Mrs Middleton wasn't amused, but she allowed it. She was a good woman.

Neatly at the time discussed, Bach tried to show up on Essie's door step. "Essie!" Was she really still putting magic up for him? 

 

Comments

[bachjones]

"Plates", Isaac murmured after what seemed forever but probably was no more than two songs braiding together, making Bach realize everything he had almost permanently lost. He wasn't leaving again. Not without Isaac.

"Plates", Bach agreed, letting Isaac go and slowly getting up, his knees cracking. "That's just me sounding old, Isaac. But not old old, you know? I'm not disappearing on you any time soon." Not again. Bach would make his death the first and last time. "Do you have a favorite plate, hah? One just for you?"

Isaac looked at Essie's back before nodding.

"Think Essie will allow you to use it? Just point it out for me. Me and your - Essie can just eat of regular plates, I'm sure."

[wakingwakewood]

She was glad that her back was turned when Bach's tongue tripped. He wouldn't see the flinch, wouldn't know that now it actually hurt her. She'd been letting Isaac call her Mama for weeks now, it was what finally felt right. The whole situation was so messed up, from the fairy tale right down to this, but if there was one thing she was sure of is was her love for that little boy. It was insane, didn't make any sense, but it was what she felt. More strangely, it was what she wanted.

Wiping the tear from her eye, and keeping the she pointed back at the cabinet. "The musical set, with the cartoon animals. There's a cup that goes with it on the shelf above."

[bachjones]

"Musical set, hah? Guess you're your father's son." Bach hugged him again before lifting him up to set him on his shoulders, something he has seen often enough at the kindergarten, but had always felt like it was so very show offish. Isaac let out a surprised squeal before latching onto him, both hands tugging at his hair. "Think we're tall enough to reach it, Isaac?"

"Mama, look!" The discomfort had completely left his son's song now, and it made Bach relax as well. He could come up with something, for Isaac, for how he felt when he made the boy happy. But when had Essie started allowing Isaac calling her mama?

[wakingwakewood]

With a genuine smile, she swept the last of the veggies into the salad bowl with the lettuce and turned to look. There. That was what was supposed to happen weeks ago. That was why he shouldn't have left, that smile on Isaac's face. That smile that no matter how much she tried and how hard she loved him was just for his father.

Hopefully that was finally getting through the asshole's skull.

"Maybe I should get you the duster so you two can to the tops of everything before dinner. Work up an appetite?"

[bachjones]

"You hear that? She's putting us to work without getting any food first? She always does that when I'm gone?" It was the wrong word, Isaac's hands turned into painful fists right away and Bach tried not to winch. "Kid, I like my hair. Please don't make me bald, bald musicians don't sell so great."

And in a better world, he'd ask Essie if she could still love him if he was bald, but that was just another thing on the long lists of fuck ups, wasn't it? If there ever had been love, there would be absolutely nothing left of it by now. "Es-"
No, better not.

Isaac released his hair and leaned into him, reaching for the plate. "I have the plate", he said solemnly. "Closer, please. For the cup."

[wakingwakewood]

"Oh, yes, I'm an absolute terror. I even make cute little boys wash their hands before eating. I guess that means both of you this time." As soon as she said it, she couldn't figure out if the cute part was flirting or the little boy part was insulting to Bach. Instead of elaborating and making whatever it was she was about to elaborate on worse, she picked up the bowl and took it to the table. Both the garlic bread and past were keeping warm in the oven so that meant it was just about dinner time.

"You slowpokes ready with the plates yet? I can grab the silverware."

[bachjones]

The insecurity Essie had about her words made Bach doubt them as well. He was pretty sure she didn't feel like calling him cute, but there was no blatant disgust or surprise to be heard either. Or had she done something to hide herself from him? Was there something different in the way she sounded?

"We are! Oh, sorry!" Bach felt a cup crash against the back of his head, and was glad that both things involved were strong enough to survive. He didn't want to break anything of Isaac's.

"That's fine, Isaac. Remember for the future to not wave your cup around, especially when it's full. That's just a waste. Going down for washing hands!" Bach grabbed him, dipped his head and carefully lowered him to the floor. "Here we go. Plate and cup on the table, hands under the water. Never keep a woman that has been cooking waiting, kid."

[wakingwakewood]

While they washed up, Essie busied herself with grabbing spoons and forks for everyone. Luckily, nothing should need knives. She'd wanted to make this meal as simple as possible, and thank whatever god she wanted, so far it seemed to be going well. So well that she almost debated grabbing a bottle of wine, but passed. There was milk and juice and that would do.

The absolute last thing anyone should ever do was pour alcohol into a combustible solution and these days, that defined her situation with Bach.

"You guys want some Parmesan cheese for the pasta?"She sounded so normal, it surprised even herself.

[bachjones]

"Please." Bach wasn't even sure if he knew what Parmesan cheese for the pasta was. Hopefully it wasn't the weird smelly kind with molt in it.

"Please", Isaac copied, climbing on the chair next to Bach's. "Extra. Please."

"When did you start liking cheese? Parmesan cheese?" He knew that the polite thing to do was to try to add Essie to the conversation, but looking at her was enough to make him feel bad, and it seemed like she didn't really seem to mind. "You're not turning into a mouse, are you? Mouses can't sing, can't play instruments. Y-"

Isaac put a hand on his, cheeks coloring. "Mice", he whispered. "Not mouses. I think."

[wakingwakewood]

Oh, God, that was... embarrassing? Was that the word? She didn't want to feel guilty about expanding Isaac's culinary tastes, but Bach probably wouldn't look at it that way. Oi. Another thing to worry about, the influence of her money vs his.

"I think mouses is kinda cute. I mean, technically it is mice, but I like mouses, too." Setting the salad on the table, she went back for the baked pasta and bread.

[bachjones]

"Thank you, Essie." This was the second time she called him cute, could she stop? It wasn't like Bach would ever forget her and her body, and this wasn't making things easier. "You're right though, Isaac. Ignore me, I don't know anything about anything. But music."

"Music's nice." Isaac removed his hand. "I don't want people to laugh at you. So say mice, next time. Please."

People laugh at me all the time, Bach wanted to remark. Hell, they'll probably find you as a subject some time soon as well. It was his world, their world. "I will never say mouse plus s again, Isaac. Don't worry. You want some salad to go with your Parmesan cheese?"

[wakingwakewood]

The past was covered in foil, so it was pretty easy for her to put the toasted garlic bread on top for the trip to the table. Pulling the pair from the oven, she paused for a moment, looking at Isaac and Bach at her table. It was... painful in a way she couldn't describe. It made her happy, but at the same time, it made her sad. Could have been like that so long ago and it hadn't been.

Brushing the thoughts away, she set out the rest of the food on the table. "Here we go, guys."

[bachjones]

"Thank you, chef." They were all doing moderately well, weren't they? No insults, no screaming, no crying boy in the middle of it all?

Not that it made Bach feel like he could get comfortable, who knew what kind of mine field he was dancing through. And he was starting to run out of things to talk about.

"Enjoy your meal, everybody. You guys don't pray before eating or something, right?"

[wakingwakewood]

"No, but I usually ask Isaac to tell me how his day was." And the more Isaac talked then less she and Bach probably needed to, which was where all the danger was. She was still angry, still felt betrayed for Isaac's sake and still felt afraid that he'd take Isaac away.

As she waited to see what Isaac had to say, she started to fill his plate with pasta and salad. It was an action as automatic as breathing now, one of a million habits she'd picked up in the wake of Isaac's arrival. "Can you pour Isaac some juice?" She had to remind herself to include Bach in things tonight.

[bachjones]

"Where's the -" There was the juice. He could do this, play house.

Isaac looked at the both of them before starting off a story about how he had a piece of music but didn't know enough letters let to write it the way he wanted to. That lasted about ten minutes before he asked if his father would be there for breakfast as well, eyes and song full of careful hope.

So that had been successful for about thirty minutes. "Isaac .. we haven't even finished dinner yet. You're that hungry, that you're already thinking about breakfast? Don't you even want to sleep in between?"

"I'd like to have breakfast with you." He turned to Essie. "Not that with you is bad. Really, mama."

Bach poured the both of them some juice, trying to come up with an explanation that wouldn't make either of them angry. "I have to find Alfred, first thing in the morning. I promised him."

[wakingwakewood]

"I know what you mean, sweetie, but Daddy's just gotten back in town, he needs some time to get settled." And once she was sure he wouldn't try to bolt with Isaac, they could arrange some kind of... visitation? Shared custody? God, that sounded so awful, but that was the only option. She wasn't giving Isaac up anytime soon and Bach, despite everything, maybe did deserve another chance.

"Let's give him a week or two to figure things out before we start making plans." Essie hoped that it sounded pleasant enough to keep Bach from going off. With his hair trigger, she just couldn't guess, but she didn't want to set bad expectations for Isaac.

[bachjones]

Jesus, she really was all over the place with the messages she was sending. She was sending him away but telling him to stick around at the same time, and plans? Those could mean everything.

"We can't just up and run, Isaac. You've got school, you've got friends, you've got Da-"

"Run?" Isaac paled. "Not run. No running. You're not going. Nowhere. You stay here. With us? And Dan?" He loaded his fork with pasta, but his hand was shaking. Both hurt and anger, it sounded like. "You're not running."

Fuck. "Maybe we can enjoy dinner first, Isaac. We're not going to have a discussion during pasta and garlic bread, okay? That's not fair for the cook."

[wakingwakewood]

And this was why she wasn't happy. She knew that Isaac would want everyone to be happily ever after. She'd tried to set expectations, but he was a kid, he didn't get things like Mama wanted to punch Daddy in the face most of the time so he couldn't live with them. She'd tried to tell Bach that Isaac had been putting roots down here, that trying to take him and leave would be traumatic.

Did anyone listen to her? Nope.

Essie shifted over until she was kneeling by Isaac's chair, reaching up to rub his back a little. "It's okay, sweetheart. Daddy's not leaving you again, no one's leaving, but he can't stay here. Not right now. But he's not leaving, and you'll see him plenty, okay?" Looking over to Bach, she had a feeling she didn't need to tell him what she thought about him inserting the idea of running with Isaac into the kid's head. Now he could worry about Daddy taking him from Mama AND Daddy just leaving. Lovely.

[bachjones]

Bach was going to leave the explanation to why daddy couldn't stay completely up to her, thank you very much. She couldn't get over things, not him. He had so often rebuild burned bridges that he could make a job out of it.

"You're going to see me so much that you'll be bored of me. Annoyed, even. I'll be everywhere. Up the street, down the street, at school, everywhere. Just -"

"Not here." Isaac stuffed his face, staring daggers at him. Like this was all his fault, but he knew children couldn't understand grown up stuff.

"Not enough room here", he winked. "Good pasta?"

[wakingwakewood]

"Mama, we can make room, right?" Essie tried not to wince when he turned back to her, clearly desperate to find some solution that would keep everyone together. "What about the extra room? Daddy can have the extra room."

Yes, there was an extra room and Essie knew that Isaac was right, but Isaac didn't know that Essie didn't quite trust Bach not to sneak out with Isaac one night. She actually didn't trust him at all. Not after everything that had happened over the last few months. Taking a deep breath, she prepared to be the bad guy. "I'm sorry kiddo, not right now. Let's finish dinner, okay?"

[bachjones]

Great. So much for keeping up the illusion for at least an hour. The pain that Isaac exuded made Bach feel clawing his eyes out, it was so depressing. Instead he just wiped his face and tried to form a smile again.

"Daddy d-"

"Enough, Isaac." Bach looked at him. "There are plenty of times in your life that you will be unable to get what you want. I'm sorry I can't change this for you right now, but this is one of those times. So you can have this here, right now, or pout about something that wasn't going to happen anyway." He leaned in to kiss his head, but the boy ducked away. "Eat your food, let's just have a meal together, okay? Ordinary."

He gave Essie a glance, hoping he wasn't overstepping on the upbringing of his own kid. "I'm here now."

[wakingwakewood]

Essie may have thought Bach's words were a little harsh, but they were true so she didn't contradict him. Instead she gave Isaac a little nudge, "It'll be okay, Daddy and I have some things to work out and that takes time. There aren't any fairy godmothers here, but we both love you and that isn't going away."

She went back to her seat and when she saw Isaac was still pouting, she conceded, "Daddy can stay until bedtime and he can tuck you in. But he has to go after that."

[bachjones]

"F-" Bach swallowed the word just in time, but it took him a few seconds longer to rein in the anger accompanying it. Really? Did she have to control everything? He was allowed to tuck in his own son? Wow, thanks.

Isaac growled, by the look of it surprising himself as well, and Bach put a hand on his head. "I'm sorry about that, kid. Made my song just real ugly there for a second, didn't I? Hurt your ears? I'll try to never do it again. Let the anger seep into the floor or something, just enjoy your food. The food's good, Essie. Well done."

[wakingwakewood]

It was her house, why was he surprised she was setting the rules. He was the one that had to earn a little trust here. Her house, her rules. She fiddled with the charm at her wrist and shifted in her chair. She hated the look on Isaac's face, he'd been so excited and now he was completely unsettled. She had a feeling that the nightmares might return tonight, and made a note to leave her door open so he could wander in and cuddle if he needed it.

"Thanks." She didn't know what else to say. "I can show you how to make it, if you want, it's pretty easy."

[bachjones]

"You're going to teach me how to cook something?" What the fuck was going on with this yoyo of mixed messages. Had Bach been such a shit that he deserved to be pulled along like this?

He laughed. "I can barely use a microwave without it going up in flames. The only reason we've been eating healthy was because there's nothing to heat in a salad and everybody got fed up with sandwiches."

Isaac nodded softly.

"And I wasn't going to get take out every day either, that's expensive no matter how you do it." And even though Isaac had made things easier to get stuff free, Bach didn't want to give him that example.
He scratched the back of his neck. "So if you want to take on all that, yeah, sure. Is it a cheap meal to make?"